A Discussion on Funeral and Death

One time I visited an elderly at the hospital. She was on her death
 bed.  Her relatives asked me, "Pastor should you not perform the last
 ceremony for her?"   The 'last ceremony' obviously referred to the
 Catholic's anointing of oil for those who are about to pass away.    A
 Protestant pastor performing a Catholic ceremony of anointment? I struggled. Is
 this helpful?  Is this meaningful?  Is this biblical?  Is this
 theologically sound?    I quickly thought of the Catholic nun Mother Theresa,
 her experience when, for the first time, she was by the side of a dying
 old Hindu woman.  The woman was a Hindu.  She wanted to be cleansed by
 the sacred water of Varanasi (India). But according to Hinduism, it is unclean
 to draw close to the dying. The family members requested Mother Theresa
 to bring the sacred water in to the old woman.  Mother Theresa
 struggled as well, but immediately came to the realization that, for a Hindu,
 to be cleansed by the water of Varanasi (India) was for her the most sacred
 and amazing ceremony. What other ceremony would be more appropriate as
 far as this elderly was concerned that particular moment?

	Initially, the work of Mother Theresa was controversial, and drew
 criticisms.  People said her actions was childish, because what she did
 could not change the world. Some said objectively, what she did had instead
 helped those who were responsible for bringing upon poverty.  But all
 she wanted to do was go into the streets and extend help to those who
 were about to die.  As for the societal roots that had resulted in
 people dying in the streets, she would leave those problems to the
 politicians, the economists, the sociologists, the educators....How important it
 is, to satisfy one who is about to die!  


	Four years ago, when Glory was undergoing chemotherapy, Make a Wish
 Foundation presented her a laptop. This gift inspired her. In college, she
 had churned out numerous papers....Two years ago, she underwent
 chemotherapy again. She lost her cell phone while in hospital. A couple
 learned about this when they were visiting, and bought her the newest cell
 phone model. How meaningful was this cell phone to a youth who was
 struggling between life and death in her isolation hospital room!  Her
 visitors could only wave to her outside her room.The only communication was
 through this cell phone.  Today, once again, Glory is undergoing
 chemotherapy. Another couple visiting learned that her ipod was broken. They
 came on the day of her birthday and gave her a most current ipod. Cards
 from friends, brothers and sisters, birthday balloons from the nurses,
 DVD etc...she treasured them all, to the extent she said, 
"Daddy, in my funeral, please bring me white tulips." 

	Glory was born in Holland. Tulip, the official flower of Holland
 carries a special meaning for her.

	The needs and desires of a person who is about to pass away, in
 general, is very simple....to see his loved ones, to taste his favorite food,
 to hear words he has waited to hear for the longest time....Once, a son asked me right before his father passed away, 
"Pastor, what should I do? What can I do?" 

	I told him very directly, "Tell your father loudly, I am sorry, I was
 wrong, I love you." 

	This son had run away from home for several years. His father had
 refused to die until he could see the son again, and hear those words. The
 son spoke to his father. The father heard his words. He then closed his
 eyes and slept peacefully. The room temperature had not changed. He was
 sleeping quietly. 

	His daughter wiped his sweat and asked me, " The room temperature has
 not changed, and Father has not moved, why is he suddenly sweating like
 this?" Probably the father was aroused by what he had longed to hear!  Or,
 maybe his spirit was struggling to leave his physical body?  

	In response to my comment, the son immediately said, " I had an
 experience of death. A few years back I had a car accident. They said I was
 dead, my heart beat had stopped. But actually I was going down a long
 corridor. On both sides hung many pictures and images of what seemed to be
 memories of the past. When I approached the end of the corridor, all
 the images blurred like the snowflakes of a black and white TV with no
 signals...I woke. All the doctors said I came back to life. I know where
 my father is going, that road, I too, have traveled down...."

	I had a discussion with Glory. If that day should come, there will be a
 memorial service for her. "All your loved ones would be there, but you would not get to see them.
 What your loved ones say about you, you would not be able to hear. If that is the case, why don't we have a party before your departure? You
 can still see those you want to see, and hear their eulogies. You can personally thank them for their love and concern, wouldn't that be more
 meaningful? "

	Glory replied, " But what if God hears the prayers of many, and I am
 still alive after the funeral party?"  

	"So, we will simply send out  an announcement to all---There is a
 change of plan for this journey to Heaven, Die Another Day."

	I truly do not understand why in the Chinese culture, we always reserve
 the expression of "I love you" for the memorial service.