April 6B 2002 Dairy

Sign, I feel like a failure! Can you believe it! I got a 1270 on the SAT’s! 620 for verbal & 650 for Math. I can’t believe I got a 650,…650 on Math. I totally screwed up! I mean I got lower than Kate & she’s in a lower Math than me! I’m so doomed! I hate this! It seems like ever since I found out I had to do chemo, everything’s just been bad news! I knew I should’ve cancelled my score! & then I went to do my home work cuz I’ve been watching TV all day! What a waste! I’m such a bum! So I’m trying to do this stupid, tedious paper on the United Nations & I find out the printer is not working. Then I try to do the physics home work & I can’t cuz it’s so confusing! & convoluted! I hate my life. To be honest with you I sorta wanted to get sick again…..well not really….but deep down inside I’ve always wanted to know how it felt to go through real cancer. Like whenever someone heard that I had cancer before, they would think like It’s such a big deal, but I didn’t even do chemo & then when I tell them that , they would just be live oh then it’s benign & kind a be little the potency of the cancer, which I didn’t like …I can say that  I’m really ashamed of myself. I am so not a humble person…..definitely nto someone that God favors and I hare that ….but it seems so hard to change. How should my attitude be now? I’m in a confused state right now. Please help me! I feel so useless.