Oct.27, 2005 Glory's Diary

(Community : Story of Glory Hom)
Glory's Diary, Glory's Story,

I really need to poop. I actually already pooped before I took a shower like an hour ago. But I just don’t want to go. I think I’m scared that its going to be diarrhea. So ….I’m keeping it in until perhaps it becomes more “formed” Haha I’m sick. So this been, since 10/21/05 that whole ordeal is starting to fade…. But my head feels congested like my ear – sinus cavity. I can hear echoing in my head like I have water in my ear or something. It’s so annoying. Sometimes think that its cuz of the drug – like its making my head sloat up and that’s why its doing this, haha. So really….if it’s not GVHD, I owe my mom $50! Haha….man I was sure cuz the doctor was like 98% sure it was GVHD b/c I was cutting back on Tacrolimus and I have a little bit of chronic nausea. But the preliminary skin biopsy shows that its negative. So far for GVHD. Haha…I guess I shuld be happy if I don’t have GVHD…but man I was trying to make money to pay off my college loans man! Haha oh well.

So…..what have I been up to lately….well Znewz is almost done! Just needs my article, (fellowship News Issue) Gordo’s and Mike’s (the other article) I’m really proud of it. Like even though I haven’t written anything for it yet, it’s just nice that I was able to coordinate like putting it together. ‘cuz otherwise who’d do it? Everyone’s busy November issue is going to be thick!

So some things that I added in there includes a Sudoku puzzle, Chinese Character of the month, & a dear Alex section, which I have to finish, too.

It’s really nice to be in NYC, away from Wellesley. Well I miss Wellesley & my friends of course, but it’s nice to be close to me family – my church family. I really received a lot of support from them & I mean Zion Fellowship was what & PA. Too bad pastor Andrew is leaving. So our Saturday women’s Bible study is decorating a plate for him as a farewell preserve, & of course to show our appreciation.

So right now I’m trying to think of what to write about. I feel that people want to hear about my experiences…but there’s just so much where do I begin? And how So I sum it up (or do I?). I’m not depressed, but I just feel like I have such a depressing story to tell. How do I add humor to it? That & plus there are still experiences that I’m not even sure what it means. And I haven’t lived out my life out yet. So will it be a happy ending or a sad ending?

I’m starting to like living in the Ronald McDonald House. Even though I’m in my room all the time, just being around other sick people, people who are in worse condition than I am gives me a sort of strength to live on. The other day I meet Keely down the hall, in the kitchen cooking – like big time. And then there’s a 12 yr old boy, Ty on my floor & I see him sitting out in the patio al the time doing his homework and writing thank you cards. Their lives still go on. Going on with what they like to do & learning and having responsibilities. And then I look in my life so far….. and I’ve basically spent way too much time watching TV. When I’m around people who are not sick & just going about their daily business, I envy them & I pity myself & blaming my “handicap” for preventing me from doing normal activities. But it shouldn’t be like that, cuz then I would be giving up on myself.

So know I’m keeping myself busy by doing znewz, knitting a scarf for Amy, still trying to learn Korean, some reading & WBS.

November 2^nd is my last chemo treatment. I’m a bit scared, but not so much … & them hopefully that will be the end. Sigh…I feel like sometimes I guard my heart too much like I was don’t have faith b/c last time when I was done with chemo…I was sure it was the last time which turned out to be wrong. I feel a little anxious like there’s a shadow over me—and like even when I’m cured….one day unexpectedly …. It’ll come back….and haven’t me again. And mess up my plans again. I dunno….I feel like God doesn’t want me to plan ahead sometimes b/c we just always keeps interrupting ….but I feel insecure w/o one. Sigh… I know that I have to leave everything up to God, but after so many times of getting sick….I’m just sick of getting sick . Sigh…I don’t know what to do.