What Else Have I Not Taken Care Of?

That Saturday morning, Glory was acting a little different. She knew it was time for her departure. She felt that she was in two totally different worlds. Beside the world where her hospital room was in, there seemed to be another world. She wanted very much to communicate with us what that other world was like, but she could not find the appropriate description. She heard strange noises. Every now and then she asked me if I heard certain noises, or saw certain people in the room, right above her bed. She pointed to them, but I saw nothing. I comforted her and suggested that what she experienced was probably side effects from medication. I told her not to worry, the effects would subside soon. She was very puzzled and wondered if she really did see what she saw. Or were they hallucinations? Was it side effect from medication, or was she going crazy from all this?
Glory was a bright child. For the past eight years, she was constantly battling cancer. Taking medication became a daily part of life, like kids eating candies.

The more medication she took, the more she could distinguish the taste and effects of each medication. She spent her summer intern in the cancer research lab. On one hand, she was really excited, to be exposed to the most advance lab facilities, to be working with DNA, and helped collect the most current medical journals. But on the other hand, she was disappointed. The more she learned, the more she knew how little was known. The largely advertised, so-called new medical discovery, and new breakthrough, is still thousands of miles away from saving lives. This is only how doctors and scientists gain their grants from the government, or from pharmaceutical companies, to keep their labs open. The once dedicated medical researchers soon became salesmen of new scientific discoveries. Through mass media, they spread the news of some amazing unprecedented discovery, giving people the false hope of prolonging life to 250 years old, or a cure to all kinds of diseases. Or they would take up another profession and become plastic surgeons. I have even come across one who is now into stocks.

One time, on our way to the hospital for a follow up appointment, we talked about how one does not have to be a doctor or an attorney to have a meaningful impact. One can be in any profession to give back to the society, or to change the world. The question is, whether the basic motive is to make a steady, sizable income, to establish a career, or to sacrificially give it all and have no regret. This philosophy may not sit well with a lot of people nowadays, but Glory understood that as parents, we did not insist in her choosing a particular profession.

She continued to ask me, “ You have been a pastor for over 20 plus years, do you regret it?”

I stopped for a moment, not wanting to reply rashly. Over the past 20 plus years, I was an overseas missionary in Europe….I pastored in Hong Kong and worked in Christian organizations…after I immigrated to the United States, I have always been a pastor in churches, up until now I founded the gospel website ministry.

I ministered among congregations of less than 20 to 1600. Every time when I move on to a new ministry, I never ask about salary. Of course there are difficulties along the way, but the more I serve, the more joyful I am.

With confidence I firmly replied her, “No regrets.”

In 2005, after Glory had a successful bone marrow transplant, she had to stay home for a year. In order not to be watching TV or surfing the web all day long, she wanted to find an hourly paid tutoring job. Her student turned out to be from a Chinese family, she needed tutoring in English. In her diary, Glory wrote that being a college student from a well-known college, she felt reluctant to be tutoring for such low pay. However once she started, she had no regrets. She wanted to help this Caucasian girl who was adopted by a Chinese family. The girl was born in Hong Kong. Her mother gave her up for adoption. She was taken in by this Chinese family and spoke fluent Cantonese. When she came to the States, her English was insufficient and she needed tutoring. However she was rebellious, that was the biggest problem. This had deeply saddened the mother who raised her. Only a teenager, she would be out late at night. By name, Glory was a tutor, but she was also a counselor to the girl and her foster mother. Glory even brought her to church so she could get acquainted with some other youths.

In 2006, Glory resumed college. Originally, she had wanted to continue her tutoring. Instead, she went under training and took on a volunteer work at the Good Samaritan’s suicidal prevention hotline. Two afternoons per week, Glory would be on duty, even during exam weeks. Her friends could not understand why she would want to do this. The reason being, Glory had a good friend who tried to call her before she committed suicide. For some reason, either she was too busy or she was in class, could not pick up the call. By the time she could call back, her friend had already jumped from the GW Bridge. Glory was extremely sad. Had she taken the call, she could have prevented such tragedy. This organization was first founded when a teenager from England had her first menstruation. Not knowing what it was, and immensely afraid, with nobody to ask, she killed herself. Her father founded this suicidal prevention organization in hope to save lives. Glory did not receive a pay, but she was happily doing it, even under the pressure of schoolwork, she had no regrets.

Cases are confidential. I cannot elaborate, but one time, she was excited to tell me that she received a phone call from a hospital. The caller was a teenager suffering from cancer treatment. Little did the girl know the person who answered her call was also one experiencing the same pain. Glory’s transplant doctor was greatly moved when he heard that. He had seen many with prolonged treatment in isolation needing psychological counseling. But Glory was the first who instead counsel others.

Oh, she thought of one….” Daddy, I’m so sorry, over the years I’ve been upset with you many times, I don’t want to be like that, sometimes, it’s the medication, I cannot control myself. Oh ya, some friends called, and I haven’t called them back yet….” She learnt a very important lesson in life. In this life, we toil, but when it is time to go, there should be no regrets.